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12/29/11--23:34: Happy birthday, dirrtysean and charleswanmushi… (chan 2097897)

…and many happy returns of the day!


12/31/11--03:48: Dinner for One (chan 2097897)

In the Germanic and Scandinavian worlds, there is nothing funnier to do on New Year's Eve than sit down with a drink and watch a television skit from England called Dinner for One. That is, unless you are Norwegian, in which case you watch it on December 23rd.

The strange thing is this: it's English, but hardly anyone in the United Kingdom knows about it or has seen it. And those who have seen it in the UK think it is profoundly UNfunny. And although it's in English, it has NEVER been shown in North America.

On BBC Radio4 this morning there was a segment exploring why Germans think it's side-splittingly funny and why Englishpeople watch it and wonder exactly why anyone would laugh at it. I thought that my readers (both of you…) might want to watch it to compare. It will be either the funniest or the most boring 11 minutes of your life.




12/31/11--07:44: Happy Easter! (chan 2097897)

No, I haven't taken leave of my senses. Easter Sunday will still be 8 April, 2012. However, while standing in the checkout queue at Tesco's at the Elephant, I spied, with my little eye, a display of Easter eggs!







Tesco must be running on some other ecclesiastical calendar than the rest of Christendom does. After the excesses of Christmas, and the excesses of New Year's Eve to come tonight, a Cadbury's Creme Egg would be just the thing to top them off. And chocolate bunnies the perfect present for your little one as the clock ticks away toward midnight.

This tops the year when Tesco supplied Christmas puddings starting at the end of August. Those particular puddings had a "best before" date of November that year. If they wouldn't even last until Christmas, why sell them as "Christmas" puddings. Perhaps they should have been "Harvest" puddings.

Note to trawnapanda: Luckily, peeps are not sold in this country. So you're safe until you return to the Great White North!


01/02/12--03:45: Sleeping in 2011 (chan 2097897)

Everyone else seems to be writing about this, so I will too. Warning: it's very boring.

January through March: St. Matthew's Court, Southwark (homebase)
March (for two days) Bed 4, Matthew Whiting Ward, Kings College Hospital (angioplasty)
April through September: homebase
September through November: futon in living room (bedbugs drove us our of our bed)
November, first two weeks: Bed 4, Matthew Whiting Ward, King College Hospital (bone operation)
Second half of November through end of December: homebase

I hope to be travelling in March 2012 to the United States.

Note: By chance, they put me in the same bed the second time I was in hospital. Good thing, too: cute male nurses are few and far between and that ward had one.


01/02/12--10:00: Today's "Make Up Your Mind" photo (chan 2097897)

Was looking at a story about the Singapore MRT when the suggested linked stories at the bottom of the screen came up.







So, are they, or aren't they?


01/07/12--15:00: Computer woes, again (chan 2097897)

Well, I am back on a computer yet again. My woes started two days ago when the other computer froze on me around 5 minutes after I started up. I thought it was some kind of software problem. but after taking the SSD out and putting it in a bay on this computer, I discovered that the SSD was freezing after around 5 minutes. Luckily, I back up everything daily, so I only lost a few hours of email, and the other disk is OK, so all of my real data is present and accounted for as well.

So I've restored my Thunderbird profile from backup, downloaded two days' worth of email, got Chrome up and running, and learned some stuff.

First, I've learned how to switch my profile directory from C:\Users to F:\Users and link it from F:\ to C:\. This will mean that my C: drive will remain mostly the operating system. On the other computer, I didn't know how to do this, and my C:\ drive was more than 95% full. Won't happen again.

Second, I've decided to replace the SSD in these two computers with regular HDDs: 2-1/4" 250GB drives. HWMBO will source them from Singapore when he goes next week. Yes, the computer will be slower booting up. However, after some investigation online, I discovered that, in general, this generation of SSDs is not considered to be very reliable. The one in the other computer lasted around 9 months. A regular HDD, for me, generally lasts around 3-5 years, and some have lasted much longer than that.

Now I have to reload all the programs that I had on the other computer. That should be a treat. Will do it slowly. However, as I've backed everything up, I don't have to bother with disks and things (generally).


01/11/12--05:34: Today's Religious Joke (chan 2097897)

A CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man. I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a wall."

Thanks to Grandmère Mimi for this one...


01/11/12--12:51: The Body of Christ, Sold for You (chan 2097897)

A very interesting article came to my attention this evening. It describes the industry of making Communion wafers in the United States. You might think that it has been saintly nuns toiling over waffle irons making your hosts, but these days, you'd mostly be wrong.


01/11/12--14:18: There'll Always Be a Massachusetts, Veterans Division (chan 2097897)

Hate crimes are a stain on an entire community. When some ignorant thug threw a rock through a window of an Iraqi restaurant in Lowell, Massachusetts, the local veterans stepped in and held an eat-in at the restaurant to show solidarity with the owners and opposition to hate. Watch below.




They are my "Bricks of the Day" (shamelessly copied from MadPriest).


01/12/12--09:19: Today's Bible Lesson (chan 2097897)

Mrs. Better Bowers, America's Favourite Christian, has made a video to lay down the law on Bible-based marriage.

I can almost guarantee that no one who has seen it will have one.






01/13/12--08:23: Today's Police Log (chan 2097897)

As some of you will remember, occasionally I post excerpts from the Police Log from Marblehead, Massachusetts, my home town. Perhaps it's not as good as Lake Wobegon, but it often forces a chuckle out of me.

This particular log, dated 11 January, will be of interest to hens everywhere.

5:25 a.m. Upon investigating alarm at pro shop at Tedesco Country Club, officers found that building had been broken into, as evidenced by broken glass and door. A witness reported seeing two men in their late 20s leaving the scene. State Police K9 unit was requested, which was sent from Stoneham. Officers checked nearby yards, but nothing was found.
7:30 a.m. Caller on Flint Street reported that her house had been egged twice overnight, once at 2:30 a.m. and again at 3:30 a.m. She said she believed the perpetrators were on foot, as she did not hear a car.
7:47 a.m. Caller on Pleasant Street reported car had been egged sometime after 4:30 p.m. Tuesday. Caller planned to give Marblehead High School assistant principal the names of two boys with whom she had a problem on Tuesday.
7:58 a.m. Caller repeated a previous complaint about cars coming inbound at Lafayette and Humphrey streets cutting inside the lane of traffic and then “screaming” into the Marblehead Bank parking lot to drop off kids. Plate number given of woman who had done so in the morning while on cell phone. Police were unable to find match of plate and description of vehicle given.
8:29 a.m. Tailgating reported on Ocean and Atlantic avenues. Detail officer said he would send driver a citation when his detail ended.
10:02 a.m. Washington Street merchant complained about shop being egged overnight. It was added to the list of places that had been egged.
10:27 a.m. Vehicle driving on flat tire on Atlantic Avenue and Chestnut Street reported by detail officer. Woman was driving to garage to get it fixed. Officer put some air in woman’s tire using portable tank and then sent her on her way.
11:12 a.m. Minor accident involving two pickup trucks reported on Barnard Street. One vehicle had a broken taillight; other had no damage.
11:55 a.m. Constable serving eviction notice on State Street asked officer to stand by to keep the peace. Constable later called back to compliment the officers who responded.
1:22 p.m. Caller on Ocean Avenue reported car had been egged overnight.
1:37 p.m. A 911 call for medical aid in Danvers was relayed to Danvers responders.
2:42 p.m. Fight reported at post office gate behind Marblehead High School. Officers found no fight but a lot of kids in the area. Kids dispersed when officers arrived.
2:54 p.m. Skateboarding reported in post office lot on Smith Street.
6:05 p.m. Walk-in reported house and car on Hines Court had been egged overnight.
6:52 p.m. Lift assistance provided on Green Street Court.
8:22 p.m. Investigated report of credit-card fraud by Intrepid Circle resident, who reported her card had been used to purchase $442 worth of tickets to the Broadway play “Wicked.”
11:32 p.m. Caller reported that a drunken man had tried to open her car door and get in on Humphrey Street and Countryside Lane. He had been last seen running outbound on Humphrey Street.

There was an egg shortage somewhere recently; apparently, the somewhere was not Marblehead.


01/13/12--08:32: More police log joy (chan 2097897)

I sometimes wonder whether the League of Gentlemen was not filmed in Marblehead—the things that go on there are often worthy of a comedy hour. This is from January 6.

2:08 a.m. Walk-in declared intent to repossess vehicle on Pond Street.
2:14 a.m. Walk-in reported intent to tow car from private lot on Pleasant Street.
8:31 a.m. Car alarm sounding reported on Prospect Street. Owner came out to car, and officer disabled the alarm. Owner was awaiting AAA.
9:21 a.m. Caller on Sewall Street complained about work being done 7 feet from her house. Caller reported contractor had been working since 8 a.m. and that there were high sound levels and stone dust wafting towards her home. Caller was advised to direct her complaints to the Health and Building departments. Caller said that her home is heated with hot air and that she believed the work site was polluting her family. Officer inspected the site and found mason conducting “business as usual.”
10:16 a.m. Delivery van escorted to Harding Lane after traffic stop on Beacon and Norman streets.
11:54 a.m. Caller reported sign from post on Mugford and Washington streets was down near the base and needed to be repaired. Sign belonged on anchored post in the middle of Market Square and was deemed to be a safety issue. On-call Department of Public Works person contacted. Sign left at the door of the DPW office.
12:19 p.m. Caller on Naugus Avenue complained about hunters in the middle of the harbor towards the Salem power plant. Dispatcher contacted Salem harbormaster, who said the hunters usually head down to the island near the Lead Mills and scope out that area. Salem harbormaster said he would check out the situation. Police determined that Massachusetts Wildlife website indicated that migratory birds could be hunted until March, from a half-hour before sunrise until sunset. Salem harbormaster reported that the hunters had checked in with the station in the morning, were “regulars” with whom he was familiar, and that they always obey the required 500-foot setback. The 13 cameras monitoring Salem harbor also indicated that all was in order. Dispatcher called back caller to adviser her of the findings.
1:23 p.m. Caller reported lots of broken glass on path that is on the side of the tracks going towards Smith Street off Pleasant Street at Mohawk Road. Park office was e-mailed to clean up the broken glass.
2:16 p.m. Caller on Cornell Road reported ongoing theft problem outside her house, this time involving a 5-gallon Poland Spring water container. Previous thefts have involved a trash barrel, a recycling bin, Christmas ornaments and a potted plant. Caller reported that a neighbor had also had things stolen from in front of her house. Officer took reported and talked to neighbors. Poland Spring said it would replace bottle at no charge. Officer checked area around Tower School to no avail.
3:17 p.m. Walk-in reported he had signed up to be a mystery shopper and had received two checks totaling around $2,000. Man said he would check on Monday at the post office to see if the checks were real and said he was not out any money and had not given out his Social Security number or any credit-card information.
3:27 p.m. Caller reported that there was a girl on her hands and knees vomiting outside a vehicle on Tedesco and Maple streets. Officers checked the area but found no one.
4:31 p.m. Caller reported a “green man” designed to calm traffic had been found broken on neighbor’s property. Green man had previously been taken from driveway and found a couple of streets over as well.
4:35 p.m. Caller reported her 10-year-old daughter had received an inappropriate text message from an unknown number. Officers determined initial text may have been sent to the wrong recipient and said to contact them if any other texts were received.
4:57 p.m. Vehicle which prevented fire engine from getting down Rowland Street was towed.
5:21 p.m. Two men reported going through the trash bin behind Marblehead Bank on Humphrey Street. Men worked for cleaning service and were thrown stuff in the trash.
5:52 p.m. Caller reported vehicle with flat tires on Homestead Road and Maple Street. Tow was en route but caller thought driver looked a little distressed. Tow arrived while officer was on scene.
5:55 p.m. Caller on Auburndale Road reported coming home to find large potted plant had been smashed on the sidewalk. The same thing had been done at her neighbor’s house within the past 25 minutes.

And this from January 5th:

8:07 a.m. Caller requested well-being check for neighbor on Pleasant Street. Neighbor was fine.
9:26 a.m. Woman in western Massachusetts called to report that her father had mailed out letters with personal information on them to relatives, including her grandmother in Marblehead. Grandmother came into station later n the day to speak to officer.
1:04 p.m. Caller reported people possibly doing drugs in vehicle on Anderson Street and Roundhouse Road. Caller said people in vehicle appeared to be cutting up marijuana and putting it into plastic baggies Officer searched area but found no evidence of such activity.
2:22 p.m. Walk-in reported past hit-and-run on Lafayette Street.
3:10 p.m. Walk-in reported her credit card had been compromised. She said she would return with paperwork.
4:26 p.m. Caller reported almost being struck while in crosswalk on Pleasant Street and Mohawk Road. Officer checked area; vehicle was not in owner’s driveway.
5:18 p.m. Swampscott Police received a report of a two-car crash in the area of Tedesco Street. Officers determined the accident had occurred in Salem and notified Salem Police.
5:36 p.m. Man reported he had just pulled into parking spot, and his soon-to-be-ex-wife pulled in and blocked him in. Fearing a problem, he locked himself in the vehicle and called police. The woman was asked to leave.
6:28 p.m. Salem Police referred a call from the State Police for a well-being check when it was determined subject was actually on Lafayette Street in Marblehead. Woman was transported to hospital.

Ah, Marblehead! An idyllic place, where people get $2,000 cheques for mystery shopping! I think that Zippy the Pinhead ought to make a visit.


01/16/12--00:49: Todays Grauniad front page (chan 2097897)

I subscribe to a service from the Guardian (otherwise referred to as the Grauniad because of its penchant for typos, mistakes, and corrections) that sends me an image of its front page each morning.

When I got today's front page, I did a double-take.







I do hope that they don't try buying that cruise ship for Her Majesty.


01/19/12--14:35: Today's Sad URL (chan 2097897)

Some of the non-religious among us will snicker at this article, which tells of a student's birthday tweet that turned into tragedy.

I can only say "Matthew 25:13". May she rest in peace and rise in glory.


01/23/12--07:16: Today's Stupid SPAM™ Email (chan 2097897)

I wonder sometimes how gullible the SPAM™mers think we are. There is the email I just received, excepting the link, which I am assuming is malware:

Have you ever heard that here are modern utility that makes photographies of you, while you are browsing (looking 4 pornography in yhe internet)?

Great example:

{link deleted to protect the guilty}

In this picture you are masturbating in dirty restroom (?)...

Please, confirm, that lucky face in the photo is yours!

Tom Harvison

I suppose that the same people who thought the television set looked back at you when TV was new might fall for this one…


01/25/12--03:34: Today's Health and Beauty Video (chan 2097897)

I've had massages in traditional studios using traditional methods. However, this Singaporean masseur uses innovative methods to soothe his patients' aches and pains.




01/28/12--11:55: Emails we didn't reply to (chan 2097897)

As a denizen of LinkedIn, I occasionally get messages from people in my network whom I do not really know. These messages are usually announcements of some sort of event or product.

Today I got this one. I am quoting it here verbatim (except for censoring the gory ID details) to protect the guilty.

{The Guilty Man} has sent you a message.
Date: 1/28/2012
Subject: Hey

First off I would like to thank you for even reading this as I know reading spammy looking emails especially on the weekend is not something you want to do. The reason I’m writing this is because I’m looking for help finding funds for a start-up company and giving linkedin a shot well since this site is a network of “professionals”. Honestly this is my last shot; believe it or not I even tried craigslist.org for funding assistance (yeah I’m basically that desperate lol). I’m just so sick of going on sites like gust.com or gobignetwork.com paying money I don’t have to submit my business proposal which I also paid money for waiting for investors to contact me month after month after month with no hope and when I do get a reply it’s “sorry but we decided not to go with your company” or these firms claiming to have millions of dollars to invest but when I send out my chump change $25,000 business plan I get no reply back. I even applied for start-up loans from banks and unsecured business loans. Speaking of start-up loans I thought the whole point of those was to get a loan to start up your business not have a business with business credit to get a loan which I’ve been told over and over again. If that’s the case then it should be called something else not “start-up”

At this point I don’t know what to do, I feel like a sailboat in the middle the ocean with no breeze and a broken rudder. I don’t have some Ivy League education I can fall back on or some rich family and friends I can just borrow money from. I’m just a 26 yr old guy from the Bronx New York who can barely pay his rent with school loans messing up his credit with a business in beta stages that keeps him up at night cause he knows he has something that will be successful but no one wants to give him that chance. I’m not looking for sympathy or anything like that because I know there are a lot of people worse off than I am I’m just looking for help, any kind of advice (let me rephrase that CONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE), forwarding this to anyone looking to invest $25k or a little more so I can stop having ramen noodles for dinner lol, or even if you have a spare 25k lying around not doing anything and wouldn’t mind helping me out that would be fine as well. This company I’m working on is not something that I can be like oh well it didn’t work, on to the next. If this does not work for lack of a better expression “I’m basically fucked” there is no plan B or c or any other letters of the alphabet I have lined up. It’s kind of stupid but at the same time it shows how dedicated I am to it as well as how much I believe it will be successful. Yeah if it’s not successful you lose money but I basically lose everything.

I’m not going to attach my business plan to this, (I maybe desperate but not stupid) to give you a general idea it’s a internet based website that people will be using every day on average of 30 minutes to a couple of hours and there is not geographical or language limitations NO ITS NOT ANOTHER SOCIAL NETWORK WEBSITE. Believe me I’m as sick of those popping up as much as everyone else is lol. Please I’m on my e-knees right now, help me turn me turn towards the breeze or be the breeze that gets my boat moving…

Thanks
{The guilty man, with phone number and email address}

P.S. I know there probably are some spelling and grammar errors but I’m not trying to win some grammar award lol

Now I put it to you that some numbskull who sends out an email like this, peppered with "lol"s, spelling errors, coarse language, a subject line of "Hey", and a shortage of proper punctuation, is actually high on some illegal substance.

The only person who is a bigger numbskull than this gentleman is anyone who responds to the email and gives him some money. He says that he "maybe desperate but not stupid". I would actually take issue with that statement; I think he's both.


01/29/12--04:58: Today's Senior Joke (chan 2097897)

Don't blame me, blame Mike from Indianapolis…

Senior Wedding

Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, living in Fort Myers, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories and medicine for impotence?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

Jacob: "That's great! We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."


01/29/12--05:09: Cue the Looney Tunes music… (chan 2097897)

There are many people who are against Freemasonry for one reason or other. Many of these people are sincere. Some are deluded. And some are both.

Chris Hodapp, the author of Freemasons for Dummies, relates in his blog the story of a Yale doctoral student who has some peculiar ideas about the reason for child abuse in the Roman Catholic Church.

Believe me, there is no relationship between this lady's ideas and the reality of Freemasonry. Luckily, Yale seems to have decided that her thesis wasn't up to scratch but some other university might decide otherwise.


01/31/12--08:30: So close to Jesus that… (chan 2097897)

Betty Bowers fills in those blanks for you...she's so close to Jesus that he warns her when his mother is about to show up…in her food.






02/01/12--05:21: The loss of a "K" (chan 2097897)

The British honours system is quite amazingly complex. The Cross of St. Michael and St. George (given to people who have done sterling work in the Foreign Service or in other ways touching upon the Commonwealth) is abbreviated "CMG". There is a Knight Cross of St. M. and St. G., and a Grand Cross of St. M. and St. G.

From Wikipedia:

In the satirical British television programme Yes Minister, Jim Hacker MP is told an old joke by his Private Secretary Bernard Woolley about what the various post-nominals stand for.

Woolley: In the service, CMG stands for "Call Me God". And KCMG for "Kindly Call Me God".
Hacker: What does GCMG stand for?
Woolley: "God Calls Me God".

There is, however, not much hilarity today in the household of Fred Goodwin, erstwhile CEO of the Royal Bank of Scotland. Up until last night he was Sir Fred Goodwin, Kt. He was knighted a while back for services to banking, which up until then he undoubtedly had performed. As CEO of RBS, he masterminded the hostile takeover of NatWest, which made bundles of money for RBS. Their investment bank was coining the pounds hand over fist. So, of course the Labour Government, which was relaxed about wealth (according to Peter Mandelson), gave Goodman a knighthood.

Two things then happened: RBS bid for the Dutch bank ABN-AMRO, competing against Barclays, and the banking crisis hit. All of a sudden, banks worldwide found that their mortgage-backed securities were pretty well worthless and we, the people, had to bail the banks out with wodges of public money. RBS ended up being around 80% government-owned.

Sir Fred had to fall on his sword, but he took a large pension entitlement with him and refused to be contrite in the face of public fury at the bungling that had landed the economy in such a mess. Some of the pension money was clawed back, but only about half of it.

More than a year passes. Bankers are now the new lepers of society. Fat cats are generally objects of hate. Sir Fred was regularly vilified in the media as the unacceptable public face of incompetent and venal banking.

So a committee of which most people have never heard gathers in the Cabinet Office and decides to petition the Queen to yank away Sir Fred's knighthood. Last night, when the Queen roused herself from shooting grouse at Sandringham or whatever the heck she does there, she signed the order to make "Sir Fred" just plain "Mr Fred".

Mr. Goodwin has turned off his mobile phone (according to his friend Sir Jackie Stewart, the race car driver) and is not commenting publicly. Just as well. The papers and the media have been running the story since 5 pm yesterday and show no sign of letting up.

Well.

I have no sympathy with Mr. Goodwin. His avarice and blindness led a Scottish bank (and of all types of bank a Scottish bank would be expected to be prudent with money, I would have thought) up to the brink. However, if all foolish, silly, ignorant, and bumbling recipients of knighthoods were stripped of the honour simply because of their foolishness, silliness, ignorance, and bumbling the number of knighthoods would be mightily reduced. The Chairman of RBS at the time, Sir Tom McKillop, retains his knighthood, even though he was just as big a booster of the ABN-AMRO deal as Goodwin. The only reason for his keeping it is that his gong was awarded for services to the pharmaceutical industry (he worked for a pharmaceutical firm before his stint at RBS) rather than to the banking industry.

Goodwin also made few friends in the banking industry during his time at Clydesdale Bank and RBS. Thus there was little goodwill when the Mail began the campaign to strip him of the knighthood.

Fred Goodwin joins an illustrious rogues' gallery including Benito Mussolini, Robert Mugabe, Nicolae Ceaucescu, and Antony Blunt (Keeper of the Queen's Pictures, who had been a Soviet spy).

The formal grounds for removing an honour are: being convicted of a crime and sentenced to more than 3 months custody, or censure by one's professional body for misconduct. I was not aware that pressure from the Daily Mail was a criterion. I would have preferred that the government let Fred keep his gong, and continue getting heaps of abuse in the press. It would have made the title bittersweet, at the least.


02/02/12--02:27: Today's funny story (chan 2097897)

Don't blame me, blame Doug via Grandmère Mimi:

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar:

'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:

'He lives in a home with a non-stop chatting wife, 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'


02/13/12--02:35: Today's Joke, stolen from Mimi (chan 2097897)

…who stole it from Doug, who got it from who-knows-where.

A man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral.


02/14/12--15:23: Today's Wildlife Video (chan 2097897)

Now I've never encountered a snapping turtle, either live or smushed, in a road. However, if I should ever do so, and it's live, the video below has given me great tips on how to move it across the road without hurting the turtle or getting my thumb bitten off.

What gets me is that this poor turtle is carried, dragged, and prodded across the road enough times so that that proverbial chicken will begin to question its motives in crossing a road in this mass of turtleflesh ambling (or not) across the pavement.






02/16/12--15:53: Today's Risqué Religious joke (chan 2097897)

Blame Rick's commenter Jaishon for this one, not me.


A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant."

He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"

She said, "I think it must be the second coming."

The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think it's the second coming?"

She replied, "Because I swallowed the first one.